Tuesday, 6 December 2016

The Metal Project: S is (Also) for Samain

The ultimate metal playlist, The Metal Project.

  The Christmas songs have already started playing on the radio.  Christmas isn't for another 18 frigging days!  Christ knows how I'm going to retain my sanity.

 But I know something that will help.  Heavy Metal and lots of it. 

  Now I know I've already done S in this current run through the metal alphabet but I deliberately restricted myself to one word so it doesn't really count. Plus I have a whole pallet-load of metal mayhem to deliver to you lovely people.  Plus it's my blog and my Metal project so I can cheat if I like. So bollocks. 

It's Finland's Independence day today so how about we have some Finnish metal for the opening salvo?

Steel Mammoth - Metal Infant (Finland 2007)

(70s style Heavy Rock)

Honour to: Steel Mammoth Topic

Ok, that wasn't what I expected either.
Let's try again.

Sargeist - Anti-Human Black Metal Wrath (Finland 2001)

(Exactly what you would expect from the title.)

Honour to: Inactive - For now

Sinawe - Metalizer  (South Korea 1990)

Tagged as Hair Metal but on this track they're full on Heavy Metal 

Honour to: Penzalpain

Seax- Forged By Metal (USA 2016)

(Frantic Speed Metal. Bit of an Agent Steel vibe maybe?)

Honour to: Seax Metal

Samain - The Metal Breaks My Senses (Germany 1984)

(Teutonic Heavy Metal that gets under your skin)

Honour to: Magus Daoloth

Sign of Evil - Venom Metal (Italy 2011)

(Somewhere on the border of Black Metal and Thrash)

Honour to:SUMMRAK666

I just had to get some Spanish Language Metal in here somewhere.

Siberia - Dosis De Metal (Spain 2012)

(No frills Speed Metal)

Honour to: Necroziur

Sanctuar - Heavy Metal (Romania 2011)

(Heavy Metal sung in Romania. Don't get that very often, do you?
Some nice guitar work too.)

Honour to: Sanctuar

And finally...

Sodomizer - Metal From Hell (Brazil 2004)

(Black/Speed Metal. Possibly recorded with the lead singer in a totally different room.) 

Honour to: necroziur

That's all folks. 

Saturday, 3 December 2016

Cheapo DVD Review: Axe Giant. (2013)

Genre: Slasher/Horror

 Minnesota 1895.  A logging camp is the scene of a violent and spectacularly bloody massacre.

Minnesota. The present day.   A grumpy Corrections Officer and a kindly therapist take a group of young delinquents into the woods in the hopes that a week spent roughing it in the wilderness will knock them into shape.

 We will never know whether that would have worked because some of the youngsters break one of the cardinal rules of Horror Films.

If you find something weird, do not fuck with it.   

  This enrages one of the local inhabitants and unfortunately for the kids, he's not just a deranged, mutant hilbilly with an axe, he's a giant, deranged, mutant hillbilly with an giant axe.

 Turns out the legends of Paul Bunyan were based on reality but missed out the part about him basically being a  murderous troll.

  And now he's pissed off.  Well done campers.     

I picked this one up on a whim, largely because of the cover. Interestingly, it's different from the US version in one key respect.
  Fair enough. Most Brits would have only the vaguest idea who Paul Bunyan and let's face it "Paul Bunyan" is not the scariest name ever. "The Giant Axeman of  Skullface Mountain" - now that's a scary name.
 I digress.
  When it comes right down to it, Axe Giant is a standard backwoods choppy-chop flick except for the rampaging loonie being the size of a house.  The young victims protagonists are the usual motley bunch with a thumbnail of characterisation. The cast do their best with what they have but what they have is a bit on the thin side.  By contrast older cast-members Tom Downey (Mean correction officer) and Joe Estevez (Local crazy fart) get to have more fun with their characters and run with it every chance they get.
  There's also a definite effort to make big, bad Paul a more rounded, even sympathetic character. 

 So the story is simple but effective, the acting is on the right side of decent and there's some good axe-murdering in this film. I am, however going to have to mark Axe Giant down on a couple of things. 

While the physical FX for Paul Bunyan aren't bad, some of the CGI and greenscreen is really not good. 
Not Asylum  movie bad but still weak enough to look jarring.

  I also thought the ending was somewhat contrived as it relies on massive outside interference in events. At least they didn't pull the old "Let's lure him to somewhere with lots of explosives" schtick.

How much did I pay for this? £2
Was it worth it? A reserved "Yes".  I was kept entertained if not thrilled. This is the sort of movie I buy, watch once then take back to CEX a week later.  
Axe Giant is a low budget affair. As long as you're OK with this and aren't expecting anything clever, you might find yourself entertained.  

 Screenshot time. 
 Some people consider this sort of thing fun. 
Personally I think they're mental but each to their own. 

Oh look, it's a creepy old guy. 
I bet he will provide useful exposition at some point. 
Or public masturbation. Could go either way.

"Now did I leave my keys at that last stop?
And was it this bit of forest where people disappear or the next one over?"

"What's everybody staring at me like that for?"
"Oh. Thanks for warning me you dicks. "

And to finish, I have a question that the film never explained to my satisfaction. 
Where the fuck did Paul get his giant-ass axe from? 

That's all folks. 

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