Sunday 17 March 2013

10 Things I Learned From Anime

1. It makes perfect sense to entrust a sophisticated military project to emotionally damaged, hormonal teenagers.  For extra effectiveness, try to ensure they’ve never practised with the weapons system.
 Or even seen it before.
2. Fighting spirit will overcome superior numbers, combat experience, more advanced technology and the inconsequential matter of the other guy being a foot taller and built like Hulk Hogan.  Keep getting back up. Every time he punches you in the face it wears him out just a little more.
3. Pint-sized, teenage girl v army of heavily armed commandos?… bet on the girl every time. Every single schoolgirl in Japan could kick Buffy’s ass and steal her dinner money.
4. No matter how puny you are or how much life keeps kicking you in the face, there is a beautiful girl out there who will love you for who you are.
5. Once one girl decides you are worth bothering with, you will suddenly find yourself surrounded by  hotties. Sadly quite a few of them will be utterly nuts.  And by “Quite a few” I mean “Nearly all of them”
6. A girl putting you in hospital every other day means she really likes you.  Or it could mean she genuinely hates your guts. She doesn’t know herself so you stand no bloody chance. Either way, get used to bruises because you‘re never allowed to tell her “Fuck off, you loonie.”
7.  There is always another Martial Arts technique you need to learn.  And you will need it because every time you defeat a bad guy, another one steps forward to start making your life miserable.
8.  It is generally considered polite to let the other person finish their Transformation Sequence before wading into them.  If it’s a magical girl show, you might as well pull out a book. This will take a while.
9. Japanese schools are bloody lethal.  If the local delinquents aren’t battering each other with baseball bats, then  it’s only because the Karate club put them in hospital -  when they weren’t busy fighting the Judo club, the Boxing club, the Chess club and that clique of super powered prefects that even the yakuza are scared of.  Oh and half the schools in Tokyo seem to be built over some sort of Hellmouth.
 That might explain the overabundance of super powered teenage girls. Natural selection. All the rest got eaten.
And finally...
10.  Teachers are enormous pervs. Female teachers especially so.
 Somehow an oversexed 20-something rubbing her boobs in his face will be the boy's fault and he will get hit with a desk.
 And the male teacher trying to get at look at the 15 year old's knickers?  Might end up in hospital but he's never going to get fired.  Because school boards will ignore everything up to and including the school getting blown to tiny bits provided the exam results are good.

 Let me know if there's anything I missed.

3 comments:

  1. Very astute BigD.
    (Mmm...Just wondering where I was when the teacher got her boobs out to rub in my face. Maybe I was out behind the school shelter shed having a smoke. Just another example of smoking being bad for my well-being.)
    Chhers, ic

    ReplyDelete
  2. wow...I somehow share some of the...conclusions, but I still hope they are rare ...occurrances :).

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Labels

#HeavyMetal (246) #TheMetalProject (228) Advice (2) Airboy (2) aircraft (27) album covers (115) Alestorm (2) Andrew j Offutt (1) angels (1) anime (22) AOR (10) art and stuff (28) Attractive women. (98) B-reaction (1) Barbarion (1) Beasty Girls (1) Big D is going to lose his temper in a minute. (4) Big D talks bollocks (36) Big D talks bollocks. (38) Big D talks bollocks. aircraft (2) Black Metal (3) blatant fanservice (154) blatant plug (5) BOLOS (1) Books (50) Boston Wrestling 1964 (1) British comics (21) bunny (1) Buses (3) Captain America (1) carrier bags (1) cars (2) cartoons (12) Catgirl Nuku Nuku (1) Catwoman (1) Change 123 (1) Charleston wrestling 1964 (1) Cheapo DVD Review (75) Children (1) Chingford (1) Christmas (4) Clouds (1) comics (31) Dale rambles about stuff. (1) David Gibbins (1) Dejah Thoris (1) dinosaurs (13) dogs (2) doing stuff badly. (1) Dragonforce (1) dreams (1) DUKW (1) DVD artists are lying bastards (23) Elvis impersonators (1) Eric Roberts will work for food (3) European wrestling 1964 (1) eurovision (20) eurovision Metal Contest (6) fantasy (9) Fathers Day (1) female cyborgs (1) Film (158) films (50) First Squad (1) gardening (1) German Comics (3) Getting started. (1) Ghosts (1) gig (3) Goolie abuse (4) gorgons (1) Grappling Gertie (4) Green Lantern (1) Guest post (2) Hard Gay (1) Harley Quinn (1) Hawkgirl (1) Heavy Metal Artwork Blog (121) Heavy Metal Blog (96) Heavy Metal Cover Girls (95) History (3) Horror (31) Islamic Metal (1) Judge Anderson (2) Kobra And The Lotus. (1) Lawnmower Deth (2) Lesbian Bed Death (2) List (16) Lords Of The Trident (3) Manga (11) marrow fighting (1) Martial Arts (14) Maryland wrestling 1964 (1) massive shoulderpads (1) Matthew Reilly (2) men's issues (6) Merlin (1) metal (329) Metal Christmas (1) Metal songs about metal (229) mimi hagiwara (1) MinamICon (1) Mind Wars (1) models (19) monkeys (2) Monsters Of Rock (2) MRAs (1) museums (8) music (32) music from the weird aprt of Youtube (3) music from the weird part of Youtube (3) music that gets under my skin. (2) Neil Peart RIP. (1) Nice cover (2) Nicholas Eames. (1) Night Fighters (1) Nightside (1) Noot noot (1) NWOBHM (3) Oatcakes (1) Olympics (1) photos (3) pinup (1) ponies (6) Portsmouth (13) Power Girl (2) power metal (1) puroresu (2) Rain (1) rant (19) Redheads (7) Roswell Conspiracies (2) rules (2) Sci-Fi (46) sexy witches (6) shame about the book. (2) Sharktopus (1) Sigismund (1) silliness (1) Southsea (15) Southsea Food Festival 2022 (1) spiders (1) Spitfires (4) Sport is bollocks (1) Starblazer (1) Stockings (1) Storm Eunice 2022 (1) Story (9) Strike Witches (1) Strip magazine (1) Stuff with armoured cars (1) Stuff with axemurdering lumberjacks (1) Stuff with B36 Bombers (1) Stuff with big flying lizards (12) Stuff with Black Metal Catgirls (1) Stuff with blokes in kilts. (2) stuff with cute banshees. (2) Stuff with enormous birds (1) Stuff With Flying Fruit (1) Stuff with Giant Crabs. (3) Stuff with giant Germans singing about sausage. Music from the weird part of Youtube. (1) Stuff with Girls In Eyepatches (3) Stuff with Gladiators (8) stuff with kickboxing teachers. (1) Stuff with killer cricketers (1) Stuff with Killer Rabbits (1) stuff with killer snails (1) Stuff With Killer Unicorns (1) stuff with Maoris (1) Stuff with mermaids (1) Stuff with Nazi Vampires (3) Stuff with Ninjas (3) Stuff with Psycho Coppers (1) Stuff with Robot Maids (1) Stuff with Roller Derby (1) stuff with rollerskating Muses (1) Stuff with soulsucking mummies. (2) Stuff with strippers (3) Stuff with talking statues (2) Stuff with Vikings (3) Stuff with violent clowns (1) Stuff With Walking Fish (2) Stuff with weird Kiwis (1) Stuff with werewolves (5) Stuff with Wolves (1) stuffed animals (1) Stupid films about sharks (10) Synthwave (4) tanks (5) Tarkan (1) Taya Valkyrie (1) Terrible Metal Album Covers (28) Terrible songs (1) Terry Pratchett. (1) The Band (1) The Hangover pt 2 (1) The Lost Fleet (1) The Metal Project (226) Thundercats (1) Ticket Tales. (1) Top Ten (6) Toy soldiers (9) Truffle (1) Turkish films (2) Ultimate Metal Playlist (9) Valentine (2) Valkyrie (2) Vampires (8) videos (1) voyager (1) War Films (4) Warships (1) weird crushes (5) weird shit (8) White Pigeon (1) women in blindfolds (2) Women with Scythes (1) women with spears (5) women with swords (52) women with wings (7) women's wrestling (50) womens wrestling comics (13) womens' wrestling movies. (1) Wrestling (33) Wrestling Books (5) Wrestling Magazines (15) wrestling October 1964 (1) WTF? Japan (10) WW2 (1) Yamato (2) you do this shit deliberately don't you? (1) Zombie Films (6)