Tuesday 30 April 2013

Cheapo DVD Review: Thor - The Hammer Of The Gods (2009)

A film in no way intended to cash in on the success of the other Thor movie. No way. Nu-uh.
Starring
Zachery Bryan
Alexis Peters
Mac Brandt
Daz Crawford
Melissa Osborne
Nicole Ennemoser

And anybody I haven't mentioned so far 
is played by a Russian

  Viking brothers Baldur, Thor and Ulfrich have brought their followers (and their girlfriends...) to an island on the edge of the known world, hoping to win glory.  
  Instead they find themselves facing murderous beasts who are as cunning as they are fierce. With their numbers dwindling and no way to escape, the Vikings can only hope that Thor's visions of a mighty, hammer-wielding warrior will lead them to a weapon that can stop the beasts once and for all.

  Basically this film can be summed up as "Vikings V Werewolves." which is potentially a great idea.
 I say potentially because the film-makers have neither the resources not the craft to make it work.
 Thor:THOTG is particularly badly let down by the creature FX. (Spraypainted blokes in obvious rubber masks or dodgy CGI) In a bid to disguise this, the fight choreographer has the cast mostly hacking away at something just out of shot. However, this approach is not used for the Boss Fight at the end. We get to see the Big bad in all his crap, computer generated glory and dear gods does this battle look silly.
  There are other problems. At the risk of sounding shallow, it took me a while to realise that the pudgy guy I thought was the sidekick was really the hero. Zachery Bryan just does not convince as a Viking warrior. Sorry mate.
 I suppose I'm also being harsh when I point out that while the central characters speak US English, their supporting cast have a variety of heavy European accents. It's a wee bit jarring.
 By the way,  the cast would have got thinned out a lot less quickly if they'd refrained from being dumb. (Example: Two characters manage to end up facing away from their opponent in the middle of a fight and promptly get hacked up.)
 And if you can't spot the guy who's going to go rogue within about a minute then you must be an Amish who quit the farm last week to see what this whole "Modern life" thing is all about and haven't got used to the idea of moving pictures yet. 
(Stick with it. Most films are better than this.)
 
 So, a good idea hampered by being on a shoestring budget with all that entails. 
How much did I pay for this: £5
Was it worth it: Well it's watchable I suppose but the it's the sort of thing SyFy put on at 2am to pad out the schedule. Approach with caution and low expectations.

2 comments:

  1. Maybe this one for a `Hammer Films' remake BigD? I did like `The Woman In Black'.

    I have to say I do find the notion of `the cast mostly hacking away at something just out of shot' quite mysterious.
    Cheers, ic

    ReplyDelete
  2. This movie reminds me of the TV series "Vikings" that I currently watch..it's amazingggggggggggg

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Labels

#HeavyMetal (246) #TheMetalProject (228) Advice (2) Airboy (2) aircraft (27) album covers (115) Alestorm (2) Andrew j Offutt (1) angels (1) anime (22) AOR (10) art and stuff (28) Attractive women. (98) B-reaction (1) Barbarion (1) Beasty Girls (1) Big D is going to lose his temper in a minute. (4) Big D talks bollocks (36) Big D talks bollocks. (38) Big D talks bollocks. aircraft (2) Black Metal (3) blatant fanservice (154) blatant plug (5) BOLOS (1) Books (49) Boston Wrestling 1964 (1) British comics (21) bunny (1) Buses (3) Captain America (1) carrier bags (1) cars (2) cartoons (12) Catgirl Nuku Nuku (1) Catwoman (1) Change 123 (1) Charleston wrestling 1964 (1) Cheapo DVD Review (75) Children (1) Chingford (1) Christmas (4) Clouds (1) comics (31) Dale rambles about stuff. (1) David Gibbins (1) Dejah Thoris (1) dinosaurs (13) dogs (2) doing stuff badly. (1) Dragonforce (1) dreams (1) DUKW (1) DVD artists are lying bastards (23) Elvis impersonators (1) Eric Roberts will work for food (3) European wrestling 1964 (1) eurovision (20) eurovision Metal Contest (6) fantasy (9) Fathers Day (1) female cyborgs (1) Film (158) films (50) First Squad (1) gardening (1) German Comics (3) Getting started. (1) Ghosts (1) gig (3) Goolie abuse (4) gorgons (1) Grappling Gertie (4) Green Lantern (1) Guest post (2) Hard Gay (1) Harley Quinn (1) Hawkgirl (1) Heavy Metal Artwork Blog (121) Heavy Metal Blog (96) Heavy Metal Cover Girls (95) History (3) Horror (31) Islamic Metal (1) Judge Anderson (2) Kobra And The Lotus. (1) Lawnmower Deth (2) Lesbian Bed Death (2) List (16) Lords Of The Trident (3) Manga (11) marrow fighting (1) Martial Arts (14) Maryland wrestling 1964 (1) massive shoulderpads (1) Matthew Reilly (2) men's issues (6) Merlin (1) metal (329) Metal Christmas (1) Metal songs about metal (229) mimi hagiwara (1) MinamICon (1) Mind Wars (1) models (19) monkeys (2) Monsters Of Rock (2) MRAs (1) museums (8) music (31) music from the weird aprt of Youtube (3) music from the weird part of Youtube (2) music that gets under my skin. (2) Neil Peart RIP. (1) Nice cover (2) Nicholas Eames. (1) Night Fighters (1) Nightside (1) Noot noot (1) NWOBHM (3) Oatcakes (1) Olympics (1) photos (3) pinup (1) ponies (6) Portsmouth (13) Power Girl (2) power metal (1) puroresu (2) Rain (1) rant (19) Redheads (7) Roswell Conspiracies (2) rules (2) Sci-Fi (45) sexy witches (6) shame about the book. (2) Sharktopus (1) Sigismund (1) silliness (1) Southsea (15) Southsea Food Festival 2022 (1) spiders (1) Spitfires (4) Sport is bollocks (1) Starblazer (1) Stockings (1) Storm Eunice 2022 (1) Story (9) Strike Witches (1) Strip magazine (1) Stuff with armoured cars (1) Stuff with axemurdering lumberjacks (1) Stuff with B36 Bombers (1) Stuff with big flying lizards (12) Stuff with Black Metal Catgirls (1) Stuff with blokes in kilts. (2) stuff with cute banshees. (2) Stuff with enormous birds (1) Stuff With Flying Fruit (1) Stuff with Giant Crabs. (3) Stuff with giant Germans singing about sausage. Music from the weird part of Youtube. (1) Stuff with Girls In Eyepatches (3) Stuff with Gladiators (8) stuff with kickboxing teachers. (1) Stuff with killer cricketers (1) Stuff with Killer Rabbits (1) stuff with killer snails (1) Stuff With Killer Unicorns (1) stuff with Maoris (1) Stuff with mermaids (1) Stuff with Nazi Vampires (3) Stuff with Ninjas (3) Stuff with Psycho Coppers (1) Stuff with Robot Maids (1) Stuff with Roller Derby (1) stuff with rollerskating Muses (1) Stuff with soulsucking mummies. (2) Stuff with strippers (3) Stuff with talking statues (2) Stuff with Vikings (3) Stuff with violent clowns (1) Stuff With Walking Fish (2) Stuff with weird Kiwis (1) Stuff with werewolves (5) Stuff with Wolves (1) stuffed animals (1) Stupid films about sharks (10) Synthwave (4) tanks (5) Tarkan (1) Taya Valkyrie (1) Terrible Metal Album Covers (28) Terrible songs (1) Terry Pratchett. (1) The Band (1) The Hangover pt 2 (1) The Lost Fleet (1) The Metal Project (226) Thundercats (1) Ticket Tales. (1) Top Ten (6) Toy soldiers (9) Truffle (1) Turkish films (2) Ultimate Metal Playlist (9) Valentine (2) Valkyrie (2) Vampires (8) videos (1) voyager (1) War Films (4) Warships (1) weird crushes (5) weird shit (7) White Pigeon (1) women in blindfolds (2) Women with Scythes (1) women with spears (5) women with swords (52) women with wings (7) women's wrestling (50) womens wrestling comics (13) womens' wrestling movies. (1) Wrestling (33) Wrestling Books (5) Wrestling Magazines (15) wrestling October 1964 (1) WTF? Japan (10) WW2 (1) Yamato (2) you do this shit deliberately don't you? (1) Zombie Films (6)