Thursday 24 April 2014

Blogging And Bad Movies

 I've been doing this blog since December 2011 and while for the most part it's been fun I can't help noticing that there's some unfortunate side-effects.
 
There's the fascination with pageviews for starters. In the beginning I was just happy when people were reading the blog. Now I start getting worried when I get 50 pageviews less  than yesterday.

 You know,  I was absolutely delighted when I got my first ever spam comment. Well, it meant that the internet had actually noticed me!

God help me, I'm even looking forward to getting my first visiting troll.

 But the most drastic impact has been on my DVD buying tastes.

Once upon a time I was just like you. I would flip through the racks in HMV, searching for something that might be worth watching.

Now I prowl through CEX, scanning the racks for that title that screams "Pick me! I'm going to suck hairy gibbon balls!" just on the offchance that I might have something amusing to say about it.

Which means I've watched some real shite in the last couple of years.
Oh Eric...  

 A T-Rex crossed with a marine iguana terrorises a vaguely specified Caribbean island.  

   Brooke notches up another crap shark film. 

 Badly CGI'd worms eat people. The end. 

How the oinking *** did they manage to make this so lame? 

Great premise. Not a great film. 


 More "At the Earth's Core" but with no Caroline Munroe or Doug McClure.
 Instead you get women in vests and spiders. Big spiders

 
Almost the entire second half takes place in a frigging barn. 

 Truthfully I would not recommend any of these films unless you have a morbid fascination with cinematic failure.
  Remember folks, I actually paid grown-up money for every single one of these, sat through it,  then plonked meself down in front of the PC and realised that I could not think of a single interesting thing to say.

Unless "You might enjoy it if you're into bad movies. And drunk. And have this vague guilt that you don't deserve good movies because you stole £3 from your mum's purse and used it to rent "Porkies II" when you were 16."

 I watched "Frozen" the other day and was mildly astonished at the experience. I mean, I was watching the film and enjoying it rather than looking for things to make fun of.

 Maybe I'm not utterly beyond hope.

 That's all folks

11 comments:

  1. If you want to renew your faith in the sometimes-great Mr Roberts, check out Hatchet Man, with added Lance Henriksen.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. In all conscience, Eric Roberts is not a terrible actor. But he really needs to smack his agent in the mouth.

      Delete
  2. WOW,
    you really do come up with some stuff.
    I guess it's all about personal growth?
    Cheers, ic

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. I'm growing, definitely, but in some very, very strange directions.

      Delete
  3. You can get your fill of these dreadful films on the various movie channels - particularly Sci-Fi where I was (un)fortunate enough to see "two-headed shark attack" and the wonderfully bad "Sharknado". I agree - there is something strangely addictive about the poor acting, incredibly bad special effects and absurd plots.

    :0)

    Cheers

    PM

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can't get cable where I am so sadly I'm missing out on SyFy.

      I get movies4men but it's not the same. Nowhere near as many sharks, for starters.

      Delete
  4. I know that dreaded feeling of hoping that someone will stop by and read your blog then leave a comment. It's hard when you first start to blog because you have massive ups then massive downs in minutes. I stayed away from focusing on stats because it can make you feel like you're not good enough and non-existant on some days. We like numbers, but it's not the 'be all and end all' of everything.

    I like CEX, because you get some very good bargains when it comes to box-sets. Breaking Bad was a brilliant buy and I can't wait to see what they come up with next after the final series.

    Anyway, enjoy the rest of this lovely weekend.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I tend to hit CEX hard every payday. I usually end up going home with a pile of DVDs and a slightly goofy expression.

      Hope you had a good weekend yourself, and your words on stats are wise.

      Delete
  5. Great blog, I must thank you for the delightful laugh (keep in mind it is the middle of the night over here and I am hyped on hot chocolate). I agree with you, lousy movies but the worst part is actually sitting there watching, thinking who comes up with this crap….perhaps there is a point where one is too lazy to change channels. It is somehow much nicer reading your opinion though. Enjoy and keep us up to date.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you very much. You are right. Sometimes you have to ask "What were the producers thinking..."

      I foresee many more bad, bad movies in my immediate future.

      Delete
  6. Have you considered porn?

    ReplyDelete

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