Friday 22 December 2017

Things I Am No Longer Allowed to Do At Work

Inspired by the legendary Skippy's list, here's a short list of things I've been told not to do any more.

D is not allowed to weaponise stationery.

D is not allowed to ask if anybody wants a hammer fight

D is not allowed to headbutt his computer

D is not allowed to bite his computer

D is not allowed to call his computer nasty names.

D is not allowed to taunt the fax machine.

The IT team did not "write the software with spoons sellotaped to their dicks" and D is not allowed to say this any more.  

D is not allowed to throw chocolate bars into the middle of the office floor and shout “Fight for it.”

D is not allowed to call his team-mates “Bloody boring” when they refuse to fight for his entertainment. 

D is not allowed to put Black Metal onto the Xmas party playlist

D is not allowed to sing to himself in the office.  It’s not particularly annoying . He just can’t sing for shit.

D is not allowed his own entrance music.

D is not allowed to add items to the meeting agenda, especially if they are about building Giant Robot Spiders.

Or whether Rarity is really "the best pony." 

D is not allowed to do *that* smile. He knows the one we mean.

D is not allowed to draw sea monsters on the notice board.

Or Dragons.


D is not allowed to draw any animal on the notice board whether real or mythological.

D is not allowed to tell customers that late return of paperwork will lead to a clown eating their soul. 

D is basically not to do stuff that D thinks is funny. even if he is "A bit bored"

That's All Folks.

Have a  Great Christmas and I'll see you next year. 

8 comments:

  1. Hi Big D,

    They all sound like sensible things to me. My particular favorite is adding Black Metal to the Xmas Party playlist.

    I wanted to do that too.

    :o)

    Cheers

    PM

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There's a surprising number of Black Metal Xmas songs.

      Delete
  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dee-troit Iron!! Fat-fingered it!

      Delete
    2. At my work, we carry a multitude of hammers. A 3 lb ball peen is the preferred for fine detail work. My personal favorite is an 8lb sledge with half a handle. You chop the handle off so you can work it one handed, and the extra handle doesn't smack you in the ribs. Nothing persuades stuck beatings off machinery like 8 lbs of Detroit Steel!!

      Delete
    3. I admire a man who is enthusiastic about things he likes. Even if it is battering things with hammers.

      Delete

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